We want a modern provider protector man.
I have been thinking about this post for a long time. One of my first male clients asked me what women want in a man. A conversation pursued and resulted in a dialogue whirlwind. It has taken me a while to sort out the whirlwind, but I finally succinctly wrapped up here.
Women genuinely want the same thing men want. Women simply package it differently. Women want respect, fun times together, romance and intimacy, and so on. Yet, there is more than the desire to consider. We look to our man to create a circumstance for all of it.
Our conversation eventually turned to modern-day dating men. He said women are so independent today, they do not need a man to provide for them. I agree. There was a time in our history where women were not allowed to have any means of their own. That plus hoop skirts required a man to aid her to be seated in a chair simply. My client was right; women have claimed their rights, independence and are secure on their own. A whole heap of progress happened, yet women still have romantic expectations of men.
So, here is my take on expectations for the modern provider and protector man. To begin, consider the benefit of women not needing men. Women are choosing men for reasons of desire rather than need. In other words, the man doesn’t need to help a woman survive, like keeping the wolves away from the log cabin, or we die. Contemporary women want men to make life more enjoyable. While considering that, traditional men will need to change their mindset a bit. Your character, who you are inside, and what you represent are more important than the kind of warrior against an actual wagon train threat. The choice to be with a guy for his character is way better than choosing for provisions.
Women are looking for you, modern-day protector provider guy, to provide the following.
Uniqueness, or maybe I should call it a flair, which makes you different from all the other men out there. So, continue to identify and grow character traits and hobbies that make you; well, you. Integrity is paramount in your natural flair.
Set a pace and tone for the relationship. If you naturally proceed slowly, women need you to be clear that you want to enjoy courting before committing to an exclusive relationship. If you do not make that clear, women think you are breadcrumbing. If you have a steady pace, then set that one weeknight and one weekend-a-week expectation early on. Will you text good morning every day or just a couple of times a week. Chart the course for the relationship by asking yourself, how high are your standards?
Activities and adventures are more attractive and fun when your guy plans them. Many women in past relationships have had to be the sole event planner for the couple. Especially early on after meeting, women are looking for men to consider shared interests for dates. If you both like ice cream, then an ice cream date makes sense. That little bar with the live jazz band every Thursday is romantic and memorable if you both love jazz. If you both love monster trucks, that is a great date. If only you love them, it is not. After dating a while, we can all be open to negotiating a rom-com in trade for the action thriller movie next time. Continually look for something new you share in common to do.
Opportunities to gain experiences and learn expressed through conversation and activities are essential. In conversation, women learn about you and your vulnerabilities and how you manage through them. We learn about you and how you behave through your actions and decisions. We also learn about ourselves with you. In activities, you take us places and expose us to things that may be new. Women generally enjoy learning. It is attractive when you share your specialty, whether that is camping or in the kitchen.
We look to you to be stable. Emotional and financial stability is a character trait rather than an action for our discussion here.
Emotionally secure where you have your emotions in check. Having anger, depression, or other manic or difficult emotions makes women question what a relationship would look like with you. Additionally, love bombing us one moment and breaking up with us the next (or worse, ghosting) is an example of instability. In dating, emotionally stable feels like a man knows if he is interested in a woman, a relationship (or not), and is willing to act on either. He’s not confused or confusing.
Financial security is that you set a tone to live within your means. Gambling away money is not a habit. On the opposite side of that is becoming obsessive about building wealth at the cost of stifling life. Women respect a man that has his financial philosophies and practices in balance.
Use specialists when pertinent. If you have old and deep wounds, a licensed therapist will improve your emotional circumstances. Additionally, financial advisors can set you on a manageable wealth path. And a dating coach can help you express it attractively.
Women are looking for men to protect us as well. Again, not in the traditional manner, so let me start by saying I think these are general, and every woman will have additional thoughts here. As part of getting to know a woman, a man needs to determine what needs protecting and what is essential to this lady.
Protect her flair and uniqueness. Women can forget themselves in a relationship. They start becoming a couple, and their self-care takes a backseat. That style that you find so attractive now, don’t let it go. This means that men encourage women to spend time with friends, buy that fabulous pair of shoes and find time to work out, paint, or whatever is uniquely her style.
Protect her heart throughout the relationship. Be open with what you are authentically thinking and feeling, good and bad, about this relationship. Protecting a lady’s heart requires that a man is emotionally intelligent. Some relationships are quick, and some have more longevity and depth to them. Regardless of the duration, when the connection is not clicking, women want you to speak up and move on (if necessary). Staying to fill a space has no integrity and is therefore not manly. Also, this is sad news for FWB and situationships. A minimal number of FWB situationships truely work into a healthy relationship. Most of them fall into a heartbreak. If you are genuinely in your masculine energy, be ok being alone while looking for your love.
Protect her self-confidence from self-sabotage. As partners open up and grow, vulnerabilities will become evident. A woman will look for their guy to help protect confidence as we pursue our unique endeavors.
Protect her reputation by speaking kindly about us to your friends, family, coworkers, and the public. (This includes your mom- especially your mom.) If a woman makes a mistake, crosses a boundary, or does not meet a need, kindly let her know before getting advice or discussing her with anyone else.
So modern provider protector man, find your chivalries and style and then live in your masculine energy. Women want you, and it is way better than needing you.