What a Fool Believes (in Dating, Part 2)

Fools in love are everywhere. I have been a fool. Absolutely all of us are fools or have been fools and experience other fools. Gracefully accepting that life has/had foolish experiences waiting for us can be difficult. Whether it is us or someone else, being compassionate for the fool is learned by accepting that we have all indeed been one.
The first article talked about common beliefs that fools in love have. They are common because countless people feel this way or have felt that way in the past.
That does not make you an ordinary fool. It makes you in love with someone who feels differently than you do. Exhausting yourself with what to do is, well, exhausting. Taking action or making a definitive decision will give you freedom and serenity.
Here are three ways to deal with foolishness.
  1. Do everything you can. I’m not saying chase your love interest but rather follow your heart. Lean-back to allow time for each of you to process when you are apart. Lean-in when your person is present. If you need to have a conversation about “what you are” with this person, then have it. Playing games is disingenuous, and usually, your person can feel it, like manipulation. So, state your needs, wants, and thoughts. Be prepared for the outcome.
  2. Accept circumstances for the way they are. This recommendation is for those who have a truly satisfying and happy life outside of their love interest. Allow yourself to meet your person where they are. Living with the time together as joyful. This person does not consider time wasted by spending years with a non-committal person, a serial dater, or just someone who is emotionally unavailable. Be prepared for the outcome.
  3. Break up. Breaking up is a definitive action. It could look like simply asking for space or permanent separation. However you do it; breaking up creates the “push-pull” to change the dynamics of the relationship. Stating your standards are not being met, your love interest will either rise to join you or not. Making this kind of change creates respect and dignity as we operate within personal boundaries and standards. Be prepared for the outcome.
These 3 options give you something to ponder. Work through your wants and needs. What do you want your love life to look like? Are you satisfied?
There is a caveat for those people who are in a toxic relationship. The only option is to leave/break up to find your sanity and be happy. Unhealthy and abusive people are not worth the effort to maintain or get headspace around. The relationship is genuinely never going to change unless your partner decides to change and that includes a professional therapist and probably medications. Create a breakup plan and do it. Spending another moment with someone detrimental to you is a waste of time and experience. Grab a friend (or dating coach 😊) and move toward happiness.
Cover illustration by Margaux Stewart.