Seven hours is the most extended conversation I ever had on a first phone call date. It was fantastic. He thought we had some out-of-this-world connection, and so did I. On another occasion, I met a guy in a tavern. It felt a little exotic as he was from Norway. We dated for a week while he was in town. We shared some dreams and talked about vacationing together.
Sometimes an extraordinary connection happens. We laugh like we never have before. We kiss like we never have before. We seem so aligned, and then it ends. And when it does, we extensively ponder about what happened. Why did it end? It was so amazing. I felt like I was falling in love. Can I rekindle it? – We had such sparkling chemistry. What went wrong?
You were love drunk. Love drunk is the first stage of a relationship. Keep in mind there are three more stages beyond love drunk. Nonetheless, when you feel love drunk, everything is perfect; you are happy, even giddy. You are falling in love, and it’s lovely. Everyone enjoys this part because it is such a euphoria. However, neither person has all the information or skill needed to develop the next level. In other words, you both may be too drunk to drive the relationship.
Connection alone is not enough. Looking at relationship stages, you see that connection is not enough to advance the relationship. The other traits your partner is looking for must also be there—traits like honesty. Shared direction. Trust and so on. Connection is a great time and essential. So, as traits start to reveal, your partner can genuinely feel a connection and not believe that you are long-term.
Timing is imperative. Timing means this is the right person, at the right time, for the right reasons. If you fall too quickly, you don’t know enough about this person to determine if you have all three. Perhaps some vulnerability was disclosed, but not all of it. It is impossible to know what the other person is feeling or if their behavior matches their words without time. If the romance ended as quickly as it began, perhaps the timing was wrong with this person: right person, yet wrong time.
My question is, are you sure you want to try? Right now, you can let it go with good memories. If you can’t rekindle it, you open space for bad feelings. Ships passing in the night, as the saying goes, can be a great experience and fond memory. Sometimes it’s great just to let it be. If you can’t let it go, check your ability to deal with change, loss, and view hope for the future.
If you insist and want to give rekindling a shot, here are some quick thoughts about doing it.
Make sure you give this person enough space for a new view of you to appear.
Project a picture where you have all the traits and the timing is right.
Sincerely find extra fun in your life. Be happy without this person when you try to reconnect.
Most people worry that if they wait, the momentum will be gone and won’t spark again. But, here’s the thing, The momentum has already waned, or you wouldn’t be reading. Give some space.
Learn more about relationship stages.