Kari’s top tips for getting through the holidays if you are not feeling it
So you are alone.
You are lonely but not alone.
You have to deal with people you’d rather not.
You have to make the holiday happen while others show up.
The holidays can bring many emotions to your heart and mind. Some feelings are good. And sometimes, it feels like getting through it is all you want. Yet, you don’t want to bring others down in the process. So, how do you get through the holidays when you aren’t feeling it?
Before we go further, I want you to know that you are not alone and are valid. But moving on, let’s agree to refrain from creating any statements like I should put up the tree, go to my aunts, be happier, and so on. I know it is tempting but please don’t skip the holiday.
Whatever you do this holiday season, do it with intention.
- Set a time to grieve if you are. Grieving for a person, a relationship, or the way the holiday used to be; are valid feelings. Don’t brush over your emotions, but don’t live there, either. Set the tone and scale of your holiday season to encompass what you can emotionally do. You can mix the holiday season with nostalgia, the right now, and the future.
- In the season’s true spirit, focus on making it enjoyable for those you love. Accept that there are some things we do for others and not ourselves, even though they are difficult.
- Find your joy in helping others find their happiness. People who are hurt tend to zero in on what they are missing. So expanding yourself by volunteering, helping a friend, and focusing on the kiddos are good ways to give of yourself.
- Identify the things you do like and find the time. It may be different from the identified holiday day that you do something you enjoy most. You may find joy in the leftovers more than the big meal. It could be seeing the holiday lights or the parade that could be extra this year. Be intentional about what will bring you joy. Asking others to participate will allow them to give you the gift of compassion.
- Difficult people are everywhere. You cannot escape them. If you have a difficult person or situation, it is easy to run from it. Running from them looks like not going to an event at all, going when you know they won’t be there, or even simply not being in the same room. However, we don’t learn from avoiding; and we teach others to avoid too. Sometimes limited exposure is healthy. Anticipate it, plan for it and lead into it for the best outcome potential.
- People’s boundaries get crossed during the holidays. Have your emotional boundaries identified and plans to enforce them in place before the holiday. Avoiding an emotional setback by not attending an event is ok once and a while. It must become an infrequent expressive tool. However, if you need it, use it. Tell people next year you can see where your heart wants to go.
- Practice saying
- “Please don’t try to talk me into going; it’s not good for me right now.”
- “Thank you for allowing me space this holiday. I need this year to be different.”
- “I know you are curious, but I’d like to talk about your ______ instead.”
- “No need to talk about my sad song; tell me about _(Something good)_____.”
Do you see a pattern?
Have someone you can talk to about your struggles: a good friend, family member, therapist, or coach. It will help if you let out your emotion. Of course, I recommend the coach because it will help you find clarity and solutions and move you forward. Find a person to lean on, so you don’t negatively vibe all over everyone.
Navigating the holidays when you aren’t feeling it all comes down to being grateful for what is current in your life rather than what you don’t enjoy or don’t have. Be intentional. Plan for your holiday and let it unfold without trying to control, redirect, or correct it. Allow it to happen.
Kari’s top tips for getting through the holidays if you are not feeling it
So you are alone.
You are lonely but not alone.
You have to deal with people you’d rather not.
You have to make the holiday happen while others show up.
The holidays can bring many emotions to your heart and mind. Some feelings are good. And sometimes, it feels like getting through it is all you want. Yet, you don’t want to bring others down in the process. So, how do you get through the holidays when you aren’t feeling it?
Before we go further, I want you to know that you are not alone and are valid. But moving on, let’s agree to refrain from creating any statements like I should put up the tree, go to my aunts, be happier, and so on. I know it is tempting but please don’t skip the holiday.
Whatever you do this holiday season, do it with intention.
- Set a time to grieve if you are. Grieving for a person, a relationship, or the way the holiday used to be; are valid feelings. Don’t brush over your emotions, but don’t live there, either. Set the tone and scale of your holiday season to encompass what you can emotionally do. You can mix the holiday season with nostalgia, the right now, and the future.
- In the season’s true spirit, focus on making it enjoyable for those you love. Accept that there are some things we do for others and not ourselves, even though they are difficult.
- Find your joy in helping others find their happiness. People who are hurt tend to zero in on what they are missing. So expanding yourself by volunteering, helping a friend, and focusing on the kiddos are good ways to give of yourself.
- Identify the things you do like and find the time. It may be different from the identified holiday day that you do something you enjoy most. You may find joy in the leftovers more than the big meal. It could be seeing the holiday lights or the parade that could be extra this year. Be intentional about what will bring you joy. Asking others to participate will allow them to give you the gift of compassion.
- Difficult people are everywhere. You cannot escape them. If you have a difficult person or situation, it is easy to run from it. Running from them looks like not going to an event at all, going when you know they won’t be there, or even simply not being in the same room. However, we don’t learn from avoiding; and we teach others to avoid too. Sometimes limited exposure is healthy. Anticipate it, plan for it and lead into it for the best outcome potential.
- People’s boundaries get crossed during the holidays. Have your emotional boundaries identified and plans to enforce them in place before the holiday. Avoiding an emotional setback by not attending an event is ok once and a while. It must become an infrequent expressive tool. However, if you need it, use it. Tell people next year you can see where your heart wants to go.
- Practice saying
- “Please don’t try to talk me into going; it’s not good for me right now.”
- “Thank you for allowing me space this holiday. I need this year to be different.”
- “I know you are curious, but I’d like to talk about your ______ instead.”
- “No need to talk about my sad song; tell me about _(Something good)_____.”
Do you see a pattern?
Have someone you can talk to about your struggles: a good friend, family member, therapist, or coach. It will help if you let out your emotion. Of course, I recommend the coach because it will help you find clarity and solutions and move you forward. Find a person to lean on, so you don’t negatively vibe all over everyone.
Navigating the holidays when you aren’t feeling it all comes down to being grateful for what is current in your life rather than what you don’t enjoy or don’t have. Be intentional. Plan for your holiday and let it unfold without trying to control, redirect, or correct it. Allow it to happen.