It’s OK to Ghost When . . .

Ghosting is a topic covered over and over again. But, is it ever OK to ghost someone?

To be Clear, “ghosting” is when you have a relationship with someone, and they disappear from your life without saying goodbye and this person is never heard from again. It is a heinous emotional crime. This can happen socially or in business. We have all been in this situation and hate it; yet, it keeps on as a cultural norm. So, back to the question, is it ever OK to ghost?

My take is, YES.

Ghosting is cruel. It leaves the individual wondering what they did that was SO bad that they deserved this kind of treatment. Therefore, we can use it under these terms. So, you are 100% OK to ghost someone who is abusive, is not hearing the words goodbye, or is just plain harmful. Let me make some distinctions.

Abusive means actual abuse. This person did not say something that made you feel bad. Someone saying they are aren’t aligned with you or just don’t see a future with you can make you feel bad, but it’s not abuse.

The person who laid hands on you or used words that were threatening and harmful is abusive. To that I say, “Just Go!” Do not get into a discussion and try to make them understand; do not take an apology- “Just Go!” Cry while you delete and block if you must; but, “Just Go!”

I ghosted someone. Well, sort of ghosted. I did tell him I needed space and wanted to be on my own. He kept calling (every day) and for about 2 weeks I said, “This is too much. I need space.” He didn’t give it. So, I deleted and blocked him.

So, if ghosting is so vile, we need to use it for the vile behaviors some humans possess. But only for that purpose.
  • If you are ghosting to make it easier on the other person, YOU are NOT.
  • If you are ghosting to make it easier on you, you are NOT. You still feel bad. (If you don’t feel bad – check yourself.)
  • If you are ghosting because you do not know what to say, say the truth. (Even if it is hard.)
  • If you are ghosting because you are dealing with your own pain, claim it, and express it. And DO NOT date until you have worked on it.
  • If you need words, ask for them. You have friends, right? If not google it.
  • If you are abusive you need to check it out with a thearpist.
If you have been ghosted. I have found that the earlier you accept that you have indeed been ghosted, the sooner you can move forward. Write your own narrative. Here is one that I wrote for a friend.

I am sorry that this is so sudden, but I need to say goodbye. I am a coward and cannot face you. You deserve so much more than me. I really am dealing with my own insecurities and cannot contribute anything to your life and I never will be able to. You are an amazing person. I am unworthy of your respect so I must say goodbye.