Good relationships fill you with positive feelings, and bad relationships drain you. Positivity makes for a great personal impact. Projecting jaded or overall negative messages leaves a poor representation of you with someone you may want to woo you. Mindset management is possible if you allow yourself to reset after dating someone. Before we get into the reset, let’s visit the big dating drains.
Four things making you feel drained in dating
1. Unavailable people will suck the life out of you. They have long delays in connecting, but it feels good when you are together. Alternatively, you go out regularly and connect on multiple levels, yet they consistently profess their desire to remain unattached. If you find yourself saying any of the following, evaluate if this person is available to you for the relationship you want.
- What does this mean?
- Why won’t he/she text me?
- Have I been ghosted?
- Why he/she so complex?
- Is this something worth investing in?
We are often blind to what makes a person unavailable to us. Alignment of values like wanting children, or getting married, or living forever in the current city, or attending a church are values that, if not aligned, make a person unavailable to you. Yet, we the dating public, continue waiting for an unlikely future alignment. Live in the now rather than for a future time.
2. Be brave and move on quickly. There are a lot of lonely people in the world. Relationships void of chemistry and aligned values will suck the life out of you. Agreed, sometimes this can evolve over time. Time is finite. Take hold of how much time you are willing to invest so as to not be wasteful. Time investments that increase over time show an emerging relationship. Decreasing time investments indicate it is time to move on.
3. Friends with benefits almost never end well. One partner, or the other, wants it to be somehow different. Additionally, the lack of authenticity makes it a drain on your heart and soul. You feel drained because true intimacy is out of reach. This is a time-waster and a drag- double drain.
4. Doing things just to meet people sucks the life out of you. This is also known as, “I am taking a fly-fishing course only to meet a guy;” or alternatively, “I am going to an art museum only to meet a lady.” Do things YOU love. At least genuinely enjoy things as you try them out. There is nothing more attractive than a person having a fantastic time. Laughing never gets old and fills you up with positive feelings.
Be alone to reset. Filling space with people and things you love in between dates will give you a boost to keep moving forward. Allowing time to catch your breath and decompress is vital. This is recharging time: invest in yourself time, connect with an old friend time, get a makeover time. Plan it out. What is on your personal recharge/reset plan?
To take the drag out of dating work with a coach that can customize your dating strategy and bring some of the fun back