How do I stop thinking about my ex?

I have heard it over and over. I can’t stop thinking about my ex.

How do I stop it? I think I may be going crazy cause I can’t stop.

I have seven ways to stop. I recommend combining them for maximum results. However, number three is non-negotiable. It is the step that propels you forward.

  1. Realize that having your recent breakup on your mind is normal, and you are not alone. If you are feeling alone, listen to love songs. If you consider all these musicians who wrote songs from their hearts, you know you are not alone. after the love songs listen to motivational tunes that pick you up.

  2. Calling or stalking is counterproductive. Checking out your ex’s social media accounts also gives your brain new emotions to process. Don’t add fuel to thoughts you are trying to end. Have some discipline! Productive social media is posting something fun you did. So plan a post. But, don’t plan to spite the ex. Plan it and post it for your mom. That’s good karma. It will take you one step further away from your ex.

  3. Be intentional about why this person is not healthy for you. This person is your ex for a reason. The parts of the relationship you presently grieve for weren’t enough to sustain a future. This person hurt you and has no rights to your body, soul, or mind. Reframing your thoughts on the relationship should be peaceful but deeply rooted in reality. Any closure will be up to you rather than the other person. You don’t need to know all the answers to your questions. You do need to come to terms with the finality.

  4. Focus on someone who needs your help right now. There are plenty of people in your life that are currently needing a little support. Helping others when they hurt is a great feel-good way to occupy your mind. Focus on their need rather than how hurt you feel. This could be a phone call, visit, or spontaneous activity. Visit a grandparent. They will love seeing you!

  5. If you are not up for people, doing something physical that involves using your brain will help. Going for a walk/run allows your brain space to think about the person while doing the activity. Doing something that requires thinking does not give the same room. Boxing is physical, and if you aren’t thinking about what you are doing, planning your next step, you can get hit in the head. If that’s not your thing, try cooking a complex meal. It would be best if you had your brain occupied by timing it out and reading the recipe. Do you see where this is going? Find a way to use your brain and get physically moving. Your brain will not have much room to think about the ex and make coq au vin. Sharing your meal with someone is a bonus.

  6. Hope is in the future- plan future activity. Start planning that holiday party, European vacation, or even your career path. Even if you decide not to proceed, your brain is at work recovering from a breakup.

  7. Date again. Starting to meet new people is also hope for the future. If you are dating with an ill heart (to make the ex jealous or for attention), postponing this step is best. A heart feeling the pull to make connections with people regardless of the outcome is the final way to put your ex miles behind you.

Forgetting about your ex is nothing more than focusing on something more desirable. Teaching your brain to focus is like any other skill; it takes practice to develop. Once you get a process to stop thinking about someone and focus on something else, you can repeat it anytime. It’s going to take some practice so start now.

Everyone needs help sometimes. If you are stuck, get some professional advice that is specific to your circumstances. Try a professional dating coach, or begin by sending your questions to the email below.