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In May 2019, I was in a serious head-on car accident. I had plenty of time on my hands. I contemplated my near death and what I wanted for the rest of my life. And it was clear: I wanted one person to love and share my life with. I always wanted that.
What I had been doing wasn’t working. I was frustrated and disappointed in my dating experiences. I knew I needed to be different in my approach, and I set out to learn what seemed to come naturally to others.
So I did.
I took classes, read books, and listened to others. I made small changes at first; then, more changes came from those.
I applied what I knew from my life experiences, my HR career, and negotiation work. I learned how to date better and have meaningful and authentic relationships. This was a learning experience and trial and error (and more errors).
I bought the magic gimmicks. Sometimes, I bought them just for something to do because I was curious. Sometimes because I was hopeful that it would make a difference. Ultimately, I learned there are no magic texts, words, methods, or actions. The magic is in your mindset and the connection and chemistry with another—no special text is required.
HMK Coaching was born out of the mission to create a love story. I share the lessons I wish I had known when I started again. I want to save others the pain and disillusionment and help them navigate their own grand love story.
Now, I’d like to share a little “happy.” It absolutely can be better. You need to be willing. I was willing to make the mindset changes and found an authentic relationship I never expected. (Vows exchanged in July 2022.) You can do it too- find your unexpected!
I have been where you are, so you’ll find no judgment here. Are you ready to meet your life partner?
Q. What is the difference between what you do and therapy?
A. Specifically, I don’t deal with mental health issues, like depression or trauma. Therapists are needed for bigger issues. I give tactical and strategic dating advice. I will also give you techniques to improve your relationships. Fundamentally, a therapist is not going to tell you what to message the cutie on Bumble; they’re going to ask you why you are questioning it.
Q. Do you talk about sex with your clients?
A. Sometimes sex gets in the way of dating. (True story!) We have to learn to manage sex and our sexuality to set or re-frame boundaries and standards. I answer questions like, “Oops! I had sex too soon; can I salvage the relationship?” “He just wants sex. Can I make it something more?” “Is ‘friends-with-benefits’ the right option for me?”
Q. Are my sessions confidential?
A. From my side, they absolutely are! I will not say who I am working with, but my clients can (and if you’re glad you work with me, I encourage you to share!)
Q. What is the worst dating advice out there?
A. Just be yourself. (Because you just CAN’T be yourself when you’re anxious or excited about someone you like!)
Q. What do you say to people who say there are no good guys/gals left out there to find?
A. Yes, there are good matches out there. You are blocked, and a dating coach can help.
Q. In your experience, what happens to dissolve relationships?
A. Negativity, trust issues, and power struggles.
Q. Who are the best clients?
A. Clients who want to date better and are willing to give up their superstitions.